Radiation Oncology Consultation

I met with Dr. Neglia today for the first time.  I liked his demeanor and I learned a lot.  I'm so glad to finally get the show on the road.

What the appointment was like:

• Lots of paperwork before my visit
• Nurse takes vitals
• Nurse shows a 10 minute video - very helpful, thorough - about the main topics related to radiation
• Doctor examines you
• Doctor discusses your history and your upcoming treatment
• Questions answered
• Nurse reviews paperwork/information with you
• Prescription given for gel to help with skin irritation

What I learned:

• I'll have 33 radiation treatments
• The first 27 will treat the whole breast (right side)
• The last 6 will be to the lumpectomy cavity only
• Without radiation, 40-50% of patients would have a recurrence within 15 years.....with it, the chance is  brought down to 8%....I'm not sure if I worded that right....but I like the big drop from 40 down to 8
• The main side effects that are possible are fatigue and skin irritation
• Each treatment will last about 10 minutes
• Every Monday, I'll have a check up visit with Dr. Neglia for him to monitor my reactions
• Every Thursday, I'll have blood drawn to track my levels....of what, I'm not totally clear
• I won't be able to see or feel the radiation beams
• The beams are incredibly precise....I was amazed by the way the video described this precision
• Semi-permanent marks will be placed in the area that I need to be careful not to scrub off
• Next Tuesday,  I'll have my "simulation" appointment where they will measure and mark the area...and do a localized CAT scan to check their precision
• If I understand it correctly, I'll start radiation next Wednesday

On a side note, I happened to catch a story on the news tonight about cancer fighting foods!  I liked all of them...yay!  They were:

• Walnuts
• Avocados
• Black Raspberries
• Raspberries
• Some type of orange juice from a fruit like mango, or something....I missed it

I hope you're having a great day!

Please, please do your montly breast exams...and schedule your mammograms as regularly as recommended!  I promise you, if you're ever in my shoes, the words "early detection" will mean so very much to you!

How It's Going

I just finished my second full week back at school.  Last week, I was absolutely exhausted by the time Friday rolled around.  This week, I'm feeling a good bit stronger. 

My students are handling my bald head very well...I take my hat off while I'm in my classroom lots.  Several have asked to rub my head....one asked if she could "pet" my head the other day.  :)

My hair is steadily growing.  To the outsider, it just looks like I'm bald with a little peach fuzz....but to me, I can really tell the difference between how I looked at the end of my treatments.  It is funny, and I laugh inwardly at myself, when I realize I'm staring at myself in the rear view mirror.  I'm fascinated by my own head!  My "fuzz" is getting thicker and longer....and darker.  The kids at school say that the top looks blonde and the sides/back look brown.  Uh oh!  We'll see!

There's a sweet, sweet teacher at school, April Dixon, who has shown support for me and my journey since the day before my first treatment.  Last school year, she had her students come down to make a special presentation to me on the day before chemo #1.  This year, she has taught her students about me and my situation and those students have shown me so much love!  I get hugs from them left and right - literally!  I love it.  Love it!  So, the other day, when a little girl came up to me in Food Lion and hugged me while I was in the checkout line, and then ran back to her mom and said, "That's the lady who has cancer." ...I instantly thought of April, what she's taught her students and April's sweet Mom who is also a survivor....thank you ladies!! 

This Tuesday afternoon, I'm going to meet with the Radiation Oncologist for the first of two preliminary appointments before my actual radiation treatments start.  Once they start, I'll go every day (Monday - Friday) for approximately 6 weeks. 

Once I have that appointment, I'll post some details.  I'm eager to get the ball rolling. 

I hope you're having a good week, too. 

My First Days Back at Work

Thursday, September 8, was my first day back at my teaching position.  I teach 5th grade Language Arts and Social Studies. 

I can't think of anything about that day that could have gone better.  I was able to get there early enough not to be stressed....my students greeted me sweetly....one sweet girl brought me two pink roses!  Another brought me a handmade card.  Teacher friends came down to my room to welcome me back....one even had prepared me a ziplock bag of chocolate and a note of encouragement to get me through the day!  So many kind words were said...and like another friend of mine predicted, it was like putting back on a glove.  The fit felt good, comfortable and I was glad to be there.

As comfortable as I am with my bald head, I have thought long and hard about how to handle it when I returned to school.  So, my plan was to wear hats because I can easily take them off and put them back on...as compared to wearing a wig.  But, I wanted to prepare my students for the eventuality that they'd see me at some point bald...due to hot flashes, etc. 

Before we could get to that conversation, though, one of my students asked me if she could talk to me in the hallway.  She said, "I'm not trying to be rude.  But what happened to your hair?"  :)  I smiled and told her that I'd be talking with them about that in just a little while, but basically, I took some strong medicine this summer that cause it to stop growing. 

When we were able to get to that conversation, I tried to remember that they probably didn't need or want to hear tons of details....so, the main points I made were to say that yes, I had cancer....the doctors removed it all....I took chemotherapy medicine this summer.....and was finished with that.  Then I explained about why your hair falls out....and that I was totally ok with how my head looks, but that I'm excited that my hair is already growing back in....I told them that in a few minutes, I'd show them what I looked like without my hat, and that it was ok if they thought it looked ugly, or wierd, or just had no opinion at all.  I told them that I was sure their parents had taught them to be kind, but, just in case, I hoped I could help them learn that seeing someone who looked different was alright.  But, by that point in the conversation, I felt like we had reached this crescendo point and when I took my hat off it was going to be too dramatic....so, I told them that when I took it off....just to ease the worry of how they'd individually respond, that I wanted them to just clap...that would keep their hands busy and level the field of reactions.  :)  Plus, hey, that's kind of fun for me.  So, they handled the big reveal just fine.  I told them that some of my friends had asked to rub my head and that they could if they wanted to....and a few did.  :)

I was amazed that when I got home, I still had energy left!  We even took a walk after supper, which was great...by the end of the walk, though, I was literally dragging!  My legs felt like lead.

The next day was great, too...and it was Friday!  For the first time, though, I heard someone make fun of my bald head.  It was one of the younger students at our school who was playing on the playground after school.  I was working at my desk and she could see me through the window.  She ran back and forth talking about "the bald lady" and brought others to see me.  I must admit, it was a bit of a small sting.  But just a small one...and a reminder that it is important to help children understand.....lots of things.   That is one of the reasons that I like teaching....to try to shape young minds....and a big reason I wanted to have children of my own.  My friend, Tajia, who is so very supportive, said the other day that she thought I was doing a service to the school by walking around bald....(which I'm only doing in my little room and neighboring rooms).  But, I do hope that I help to make the next person feel comfortable walking around comfortable in their 'skin'. 

I Have Come So Far

It was March 18, 2011 when I found out that my tumor was malignant. 

Sometime in April 2011, I walked past some bald women in SCOA (SC Oncology Associates) and could hardly look at them and hoped they couldn't see how uncomfortable they made me.  That was out of fear that I was going to look like them.  I knew I was about to join them and I wasn't ready.

During the first phase of my journey, I remember wondering:  Why do people keep looking at me like they feel SO sorry for me?  As if I'm going to die in the next few days?  Why is my beloved OBGyn so upset after reading my pathology report?  Is it THAT bad?  What am I not aware of that she is?  I remember sitting and listening to the first surgeon we spoke to on Day 2 who said, "I recommend a mastectomy everyday of the week and twice on Sunday." and keeping a brave, straight face because I had prepared myself to hear the word mastectomy.  I remember feeling like I was watching this unfold from up above instead of actually being in the moment.  I remember people saying, 'You're going to beat this!' and 'You're a fighter!'  There were so many things that I heard and saw that my mind and body hadn't "caught up" with, so to speak.  I remember walking into stores/businesses and thinking, 'Don't you know I am walking around with cancer in my body???'

Now, I get it more.  Then, I think I was in denial and stunned and trying to process and trying to teach school and take care of my girls and having two surgeries and trying to be strong and wanting to do whatever it took to push forward and make it through.

This past Monday - a week after my final chemo treatment, Charles, Macy, Molly and I were eating lunch with some dear friends at a deli in downtown Columbia.  I had woken up that morning and could tell I was going to feel better that day.  A lady with a sparkly, bedazzled hat came up to where I was sitting in the restaurant and said, "I just had to come talk to you.  I told my friends, 'Look, there's someone like me!"  She asked me if I got my treatments at SCOA and where I was in the process...who my oncologist was, etc.  I liked how she said, 'There's someone like me.'....because I've felt that feeling before, too.   NOW, when I see other ladies who look like they may be in treatment, I don't feel fear...I feel comraderie.  A few minutes after she left, she came back in the restaurant beaming, and handed me a pillow she'd made to share with other patients.  It was adorable.  Thank you, Miriam!

It is a Sisterhood that I am in!  I like it.  But I want us all to be alright.  Each and every one of us.

Yesterday, September 6, 2011, I walked into SCOA to get some paperwork from one of my (now) friends that works there.  I be-bopped in, bald/peach fuzzy, pushing my girls in the double stroller, and gave Norma a big hug which she always returns generously.  We stood there talking and since it was closing time, most of the employees were on their way out the door from time to time.  I couldn't believe how many of them recognized me and the girls and stopped to speak.  It was like I was part of this family.  And I absolutely loved it and appreciated it.  What wonderful people. 

On my way out the door, a lady was sitting on the bench waiting for her ride.  She was about 20 years older than me and bald, too.  I looked at her with a big smile and said, with a knowing look that I've shared with several women, "I like your hair!"  She smiled back and said, "I like yours, too!"  We laughed. 

I took the girls to the car, changed their diapers, felt the cooler weather, and couldn't believe I could actually say that I was feeling good - physically.  But also, I felt like I had just left a reunion where my spirits were lifted.

And, guess what!  YOU have come so far, too!  So many of you have been on this journey with me, in many different and wonderful ways.  From scheduling your mammogram to bringing me food to sending encouraging cards to watching my girls so Charles and I could go on a date to listening to the 'side effect of the day' and rubbing my bald head!  Thank you for being here with me!

Hold on to your seats, because next, we'll be walking towards the light...of radiation.  :)

Tomorrow's a Big Day

Tomorrow, I will be going back to teaching.  It will be a week and a half since my final chemo treatment and I am glad to say that I am feeling a good bit better and feel like my 'normal' is returning slowly.  Glad to feel that!!  Today, I'll go up and just say hello to the students so that they know who will be waiting for them in the classroom tomorrow morning...and then I'll meet with my awesome substitute to learn what all she's done so that I can pick up where she will be leaving off. 

Even though I'd give anything to be able to stay home with my girls, that is just not possible.  So, it is a good thing that I do love teaching and I am looking forward to getting back in the saddle.  I work with some truly wonderful people and it will be good for me to be back in a structured, busy environment since my mind has too much going on thinking about things that I'd like to take a break from. 

Next Tuesday, I have an appointment with Dr. Butler and we will discuss when my radiation will begin and I suppose I'll have an appointment to meet with the radiation oncologist....which will then lead to another preliminary appointment and then finally, I'll be able to get the radiation show on the road.  Dr. Butler said I'll probably do 6 weeks of radiation...which is every day after school.  THEN, I can say that I'm done...so to speak. 

I'm so thankful to have had this summer and a little bit of extra time with my girls.  Last night, we spent some quality time in our little hallway, laughing HARD.  They love to be chased and then give in and come running, falling into you.

Today is my Dad's birthday!  We're going to surprise him with some sweet treats at his job site before heading up to the school. 

Here's a fun, happy, nothing to do with cancer, video of my girls in the grocery store cart yesterday.  It kind of seems, though, that the extreme joy this brings me should heal anything yucky in my body.

Oh, here's another funny thing about yesterday!  (Yesterday was a great day for many reasons, including the beginning of feeling better.)  When I stopped to get some deli turkey yesterday, the lady working at the counter said, "So where are you in your treatment?"  When somebody says something like that, you know they've had a personal experience with cancer.  So, I asked her and she said that her Mom had gone through chemotherapy two times.  We talked for a bit about side effects and hair loss.  At the end of the conversation, she said, "At least you have the b_lls to go out and about bald."  I smiled really big and thought WHAT A COMPLIMENT....not worded the way I would've said it, but I liked it!

This Song Says So Much

I love when this song, below, ("Blessings" by Laura Story) comes on the radio....it is truly beautiful to me.  It makes me think of all the good that has come from my cancer diagnosis:  a closer bond with Charles, a deeper appreciation for everday life, the wave of support and love from dear friends, connections with some wonderful people I would have not met otherwise, and much more....

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Here's a link to hear it:  http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

I wonder...

I wonder lots of things, like:

• How my chemo neighbor, Caressa (sp?) is doing with her first treatment.....I wish you the very best with the least side effects you can have.  I wish we could've talked more....but I know you will do great! 
• If there's anything I could do for my new blog friend, Kerri.  I think about you lots even though we've never met.
• Why are my emotions so crazy/all over the place this go 'round?  And when will they land?
• When, oh when, will I get some energy back?  Ooooo, I can't wait! 
• What impact will I (and my appearance) have on my students?  I'm returning to work this coming Thursday and I'm looking forward to it.

And I wonder if you've scheduled your mammogram and done your self exam?    It is the beginning of the month and that's a great time to monitor what your 'normal' feels like.