First "Relay for Life" for me.....

I learned a lot as I was walking around the track with a survivor and then talking to others about chemo:

• It is allllll your hair that you lose....including your eyebrows and eyelashes!  Yikes!  Didn't know that!
• It will likely fall out around the 14th day of treatment.  That's sooner than I thought....I had read more like the 21st day.
• Ken - local survivor and cosmetologist -recommended by a friend - his tip....bring your husband for the day you need to have your hair shaved so that you can share that moment together and not have to go home and have a big moment again....makes me think I may want the girls to be there too...   Ken will handle that appointment beautifully it sounds like.
• As you lose your hair it will start to 'mat' with the hair that is still attached...it will get to a point where you want to shave it
• Baseball caps and Sunhats may be more comfortable than wigs....
• I'm probably going to need to eat more fiber as I go through the treatments...sounds like my system will need it.

I got my first of probably two hair cuts yesterday.  It was time, regardless.  I like it.....nothing drastic.  But you know, I do feel lots of emotions about the hair loss.  For anyone, I think it probably is one of the biggest mental hurdles that there is during the treatment part of things.  I have almost always had long hair....back when I was younger, my hair was one of my better features.....it kind of has been a big part of my identity....and to think of it all being gone, and my loved ones having to see me bald, and having to put them in the position of figuring out how to respond to my new look is something I wish I could spare them......Charles waking up to a bald wife.....my girls trying to make sense of such a different looking Mommy.....looking in the mirror at myself.....how long will it take before it starts to grow back....what will it look like when it does grow back.....all those things and more are in my thoughts. 

BUT, I do feel a STRONG sense of strength drawn from the indescribable support network that I have and the foundation of love and friendship in my life.  I know that this is temporary.  I know that I am loved.  I know that there is much more to me than my hair.  I know that I will be stronger on the other side of this.  I know that I am so very thankful that I get to LIVE and being bald is a small thing in comparison to what so many other people have to deal with in their life.  So, I share these thoughts NOT to elicit sympathy -REALLY.  I share them because I want to one day provide some comfort and comradery to a future friend, loved one, or stranger who will face these moments.

I have been SO comforted by talking to Pam, Mrs. Sandy, Mary Anne, and Aunt Jan.  To know these strong women and hear from them helpful and informative tidbits (big-bits) is priceless. 

As I type this, my girls are crawling around on the floor....10 days away from their 1st birthday!  They have both been saying "mama" all morning.  Tomorrow's mother's day.  Do not feel sorry for this lucky duck.  I am truly having a wonderful morning!   Love to you allllll.