Hair Growth Report

Yesterday, I brushed my hair for the first time since June.  Ha!

Even though I had thought I'd have "longer" hair by now (most estimates say that you grow a 1/2 an inch of hair every month)....I'm still pleased to have hair!

If you could be inside my thoughts you'd laugh....I think a lot about how excited I am that I can run my fingers through my hair....so to speak.

Yesterday, while talking to a lady with pretty, shoulder length hair, she did her fingers through her hair to readjust it and get it away from her face.  I reached up to do the same thing.  To no avail.  It is funny that even after all this time, I still have those phantom type feelings that I have long hair still that needs to be pushed away from my face....even to the point that I will lift my hand up there to move it and then realize how silly it was.

Here's a little collage of my hair growth since my last chemo on August 29.    The girls are about to wake up, so, I'm feel good about having had time to catch up on my blog entries.

Have a great day!

Post Treatment Follow Up Appointment

Radiation Ended - December 2, 2011

Chemotherapy Ended - August 29, 2011

Yesterday was the first time I had been to the medical oncologist since my chemotherapy ended.  It, as always, was a very short visit.  

I told Dr. Butler about the shooting type pains on both sides of my chest and he explained that it may be ligaments that I'm feeling.  I told him about how my legs are EXTRA tired all the time....they're weak and they hurt more than I can ever remember....he said that over the last six months or so that I'd been through "a lot" and it would take time to build up my strength....walking was mentioned as a way to build it up.  (Personally, I don't know how I'm not the skinniest and person in the world - exaggeration of course - chasing after Macy and Molly.)

He said, "You're doing great.  We'll call you if anything doesn't look right with your bloodwork."  Well...those of you who know me well know that I wanted to know exactly what the bloodwork said.  This appointment has been looming over me for a while and I needed more than just a general, 'you look great' kind of statement.  So, the nurse sweetly offered to call me with the results.  The blood cancer test they do for 'breast cancer tumor markers' is called the CA 15-3 test, and it takes about an hour and a half to process.  

She called me when I was just two minutes away from my photo session appointment of a precious 10 day old newborn.   I was having a hard time hearing her, but she said that my number was 12.8.....down from 28 in April of 2011.  My immediate question was, "What is the normal range?"  She explained that 35 and below was considered normal.  Hmmmm.   I want ZERO.  I said it to her nicer than that and she explained that there are lots of people who get lots more treatment than I have had and they never make it to zero.

So, when I got home and had some time, I read what I could about it.  This website was the best one I could find.  Basically, I'm less concerned after reading this website than I was.  It is kind of hard to sum up...so, please check it out if this interests you or would help you.  

http://www.oncolink.org/treatment/article.cfm?id=296&s=42&c=7

Every time that I'm typing on this blog, I think about who might be reading my post later.  And, being the big sap that I am, I think about all of you who were caregivers to me throughout this process.  Thank you again.  I wish I could send this card out to all of you, but here's our Christmas card this year, with all of you in mind.  I hope you have a wonderful holiday!  

Reflections

A week before my radiation ended, one of my long time and dear friends, Ruth, got in touch with me to tell me that her sweet Mom had passed away.  My heart sunk, fast and hard.  This family is a very loving family and very close....and I had always marveled at how close my friend was to her Mom.  Mrs. Lackey's funeral was incredibly special....a thoughtful and meaningful tribute to the Godly life she lived and the investment she made in her family and the community.  Sitting in the sanctuary, listening to the service, I learned many things...and realized many things.  Too many for me to do justice to here.  Not only was the sincerity of the words spoken that day incredibly touching, but, as a fellow cancer patient, I sat there realizing that several of my caregivers were seated in the sanctuary, too.  So much love and so much emotion go into helping someone through their struggle with cancer treatment.  Ruth and her Daddy had cared for Mrs. Lackey so sweetly.  That service kind of sent me in to a quite time of reflection...hence my absence from this blog for a while.

The pastor surprised me that day when he made a point of saying that Mrs. Lackey had not lost her battle to cancer.  Months ago, I told Charles that I don't like that phrase "lost the battle with cancer"....because, as weak as the cancer patient may look on the outside, there's a great deal of strength on the inside.   So, I was glad to hear the pastor's twist on that phrase that is so commonly used.  (I've used it too, it is one of those "thoughts and prayers" type phrases that just rolls out of us, along with great intentions.)

Mrs. Lackey's life was one well lived and her memorial service made me want to be a better person and inspired me to be a better mother and wife.

My love continues to go out to you, Ruth, and your Daddy, and all of your family.

The Radiation Waiting Area

Each day, for just a few minutes, I wait in the ladies' waiting area for radiation treatments.  Once you undress and put your gown on, you wait for your name to be called over the speaker. 

Today, as I sat there, I struck up conversation with a lady who just recently started her treatments and the daughter of another patient.  As we talked, I realized how much you get out of talking to other 'survivors' (I still feel wierd using that word).  She had been diagnosed with cancer before...about 20 years ago....and was now dealing with it again.   Along with radiation, she is taking herceptin.  I mentioned that I didn't qualify for herceptin or tamoxifen because my type of cancer (triple negative) doesn't respond to those treatments.  The other lady sitting there asked me what triple negative meant, so I explained.  Many people don't realize there are different types of breast cancer, and very few have ever heard the term 'triple negative'.

A lot of stories are exchanged in that little waiting area.  It is like a little chat room.

When I mentioned how tired I was to the technician, she explained why fatigue is usually experienced.  She said that the radiation is killing cancer cells and other cells in the area.  So, your body is working hard to make up for that and that results in feeling tired.   I am definitely more tired than I have been recently.  It is hard to tell what to blame it on...but her explanation somehow gave me comfort. 
Meanwhile, another patient, Marcia, was celebrating her 33rd and final treatment today!  She was so excited that she was practically floating around.  Her story is quite a doozy...she's been through so much and just recently had several scans that all came back with great news.  She's in remission and finally at a point where she can breathe a bit!   She is the only other person I've met with my kind of breast cancer.  So, we exchanged contact information.  After ringing the bell, she 'be-bopped' into the sunset.  I'm so happy for her!

Next up, it is your turn, Teresa!  :)

Radiation - 10 days into it

Radiation treatments are really fast and no big deal, really.  The annoying part is driving over to the treatment center every day.  That gets kinda old.

Yesterday, after my 9th treatment, I started feeling pain in the radiation area.  It doesn't seem like a burning feeling.  It is surprisingly similar to the feeling that I had which led me to find my lump.

The technicians who run the radiation machines could not be any nicer or more pleasant.  It makes the time there much more human feeling. 

The whole facility really gets into the Halloween spirit!  There was a redneck windchime and the nurses and staff dress up in costumes or wear pajamas to show their festive side.

I had blood drawn yesterday and I realized how long it had been since I'd been 'stuck'.  I don't miss that!

Hope all is well for you.  :)

No Description Needed

A Memory for a Lifetime

Last week, my Principal asked our whole school to do a "Pink Out" in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  We were all supposed to wear pink on October 14.  So, a few days before that, I talked with her and our Media Specialist about possibly using this day as a teachable moment through our "Morning Show" that is broadcast throughout our school.  I wanted to go on the Morning Show and talk a little about cancer and baldness, etc.

I brainstormed with my good friend, Betsy, and we came up with the idea of an interview format.  We brainstormed questions and put our feelers out with a few teachers to see what kind of questions we should include in our brief segment. 

Betsy did an awesome job interviewing me.  We discussed eating healthy and how important it is to exercise.  When we got to the question about "Why do cancer patients wear hats?"  I answered the question by saying that sometimes it is because of it being cold outside....sometimes it is because you don't want to shock everybody who sees you....(recently, at the doctor's office, a little girl screamed when she saw me)....and sometimes you just feel like you look better in a hat. 

At that point, I took my hat off and said, "This is what a cancer patient may look like while they're going through treatment."  Betsy rubbed my head - I loved it - and I explained that I was going to not wear my hat all day at school that day and invited the kids to rub my head (to reduce fears, etc)....I told them if they saw me in the hallway to just lift up their hand to show me they were interested and I'd lean down an let them rub my head. 

Our Principal finished the segment by challenging and inspiring the students to study hard because we need smart scientists and doctors to figure out the big medical questions that we face.  I loved that point!

When I was leaving the library and heading back to my room, I walked into the hallway that my classroom is on....and saw tons of students standing along the walls.  I thought, "Great...I've forgotten that we have a fire drill today."  And I started walking a little slower, more cautiously.  Then, applause erupted and I stopped in my tracks.  It was then that I realized that they were standing there for me!

(Tears are flowing as I'm typing this.)

Many of you know that I've become an absolute Summa cum laude in the holding-back-your-emotions department.  But, at that moment, I was so overwhelmed/tickled/touched/wow-ed that I bent over and started crying.  While I was bent over, I thought about stopping the tears and suppressing the emotion, but I purposely chose to take the time to actually feel this moment.  I knew it was incredibly precious and I wanted to truly feel it.

My friend, Tina, came to me and said, "C'mon..." and guided me into that sea of 4th and 5th graders.  I decided to bend over the whole way down the hallway and let anyone who wanted to feel my head to do so....and many, many did.  As I walked, I squeezed Tina's hand so tightly.  She's a precious person and has been through quite a bit with her youngest son, and I was glad she was with me.  As we walked, I heard one of my teacher friends say, "You don't even know how brave you are."  That meant a great deal to me.

If you look in the distance of this picture, you can see
that the line of kids goes allllll the way down
to the end.  Pretty amazing!

My tears rolled as we made our way down to the end of the hallway where my classroom is.  I stood up straight and looked around and saw tears in the eyes of every single adult.  My teaching partner and friend, Jakki, thought quickly and grabbed her camera to capture this moment.  I'm so glad she did.

Later in the day, I found out that the idea for this sweet, huge gesture came from a teacher and friend, Amanda.    I hope I've fully expressed to her that this memory is one of the biggest treasures that I have. 

I work with some amazing folks!  It is because of all the love that is sent my way that I can walk around with a bald head and go on the morning show and handle this time in my life as a bump in the road.

Much love to you all.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

During October, you see lots of fundraising efforts going on for Breast Cancer Awareness.  I recently posted about a local softball team who participated in a Breast Cancer Fundraiser type tournament.

Last Saturday, I took the girls to Lugoff Elgin High School's gym because our beloved Mrs. Tanja (who watches the girls) invited me to come.  Mrs. Tanja along with a few other folks worked very hard to make this tournament a successful fundraiser for the cause of breast cancer.  When I walked in the gym, there was pink everywhere....a banner for survivors to sign.....pink cupcakes.....a table with a huge variety of items to buy for the cause (many HAND MADE and HAND CRAFTED by Mrs. Tanja --- mom to four very active children!!).  I was even pinned with a pink carnation to signify that I was a survivor!  I was so encouraged to see people come together to raise awareness and funds for this cause.  This was a tournament for girls volleyball teams and I hope there are pink memories embedded in their minds now. 

As I mentioned quite a while back, my type of cancer (Triple Negative Breast Cancer) is newly understood and differentiated from other cancers.  So, that being said, there is a very limited amount that they can do for you if you have a recurrence.  The 5 year cancer pill (Tamoxifen) that many people take after their chemo treatment, for example, isn't effective for triple negative cancer. 

It struck me the other day how glad I am to see those pink ribbons on everything from yogurt to tennis balls in the store to billboard signs along the road.

So, I am very thankful that money is being spent to fund continued research.  Susan G. Komen for the Cure recently funded a major effort specifically for Triple Negative Breast Cancer research.  So, you can bet, when I see that symbol on products, I'm more apt to buy them.

What is Radiation Like?

I've finished my first week of radiation and it has been no big deal at all.   I realize that over time, my skin may start to have reactions and I may feel fatigue, but, so far, so good.

So, the steps leading up to the actual treatments are to have a 'marking' appointment and then a second 'marking' appointment.  After the 1st one, I left with 3 marks.  After the 2nd appointment, I left with lots more...and they come up high enough that they show if I wear a V-neck shirt...which stinks because I already have so few clothes that fit and now, that stash is whittled down further. 

The marks they make on you are in blue paint pen, then covered with transparent adhesive circles.  Macy and Molly really like the marks...they touch them with their little pointer fingers and laugh.  That makes me smile and turns an annoyance into something positive.

So, what is it like when you go in for a radiation treatment?

• You put on a gown in the ladies' dressing area and have a seat while you wait to be called over the loud speaker.
• When they call your name, you walk back to the area where the radiation rooms are and sign in with your technician (they are very kind, by the way).
• You lay on a machine and the technicians adjust your body so that it lines up with the marks....they tell you not to help them which is funny because you feel compelled to....
• Then you lift your arms above your head and hold on to two handles...they bind your feet with a large rubber band.
• The first three days of your treatments take a little longer because they do x-rays before doing the treatment...but then, once those are done, when you go it is really fast!  (Like 5-6 minutes)
• You resign yourself to 'letting it all hang out' just like when you have a baby or go through other treatments.  You're laying there exposed and on camera (which is monitored by your technician) and you just give in to it.
• From what I understand, I'll have x-rays maybe twice  week...and on Mondays I'll meet with the doctor to review my bloodwork....the bloodwork is taken on Thursdays....haven't had any of that done yet.

As I wait each day for my name to be called, there is another lady who is in the waiting area....her story confirms my feelings that I have had a relatively easy time with my treatments.  She, too, has triple negative breast cancer.  Hers was Stage 3 and had gone into her lymph nodes.  She had a mastectomy...then 6 chemo treatments (at 3 week intervals) and then she had chemo EVERY Friday for two or three months.  Now, she's having her radiation treatments.  She has had about 20 or so and says that it has begun to really irritate her skin.  She's a positive person who works on a college campus and is trying to get the word out to the young ladies that they, too, need to be proactive with their health.

One of the technicians who does my treatments told me the other day that she had breast cancer and went through chemo and radiation there at her own place of work.  She said that it changed her in many ways and now she truly knows what it is like for the patients who lay on the treatment table.

And lastly, I finally got to meet one of the ladies I've been messaging back nd forth as she found out about her breast cancer.  She and I work in the same school district and have become friends.  She's got a heart of gold and it has been nice to have a buddy to go through this with!

Thankfully, my Pricipal and teaching partner are working with me and helping me so that I can leave work on time to make it to my appointments each day.  I leave school before dismissal in order to make it to SCOA for my 3:15 appointment time.  Thank you both!

Martina McBride's Song

I just watched Martina McBride sing this song and, of course, tears came to my eyes.  It made me first think of Charles and how he has been by my side and stayed faithful during this scary and new territory we've forged together.  Then, as she continued to sing, I had flashes of my friends and family who have - and continue to be - my strong supporters.  Tears are flowing now, too.  Thank you all.

Here's the lyrics to her song:

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It"

She dropped the phone and burst into tears
The doctor just confirmed her fears
Her husband held it in and held her tight
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives
He said, "I know that you’re afraid and I am, too
But you’ll never be alone, I promise you"

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

She made it through the surgery fine
They said they caught it just in time
But they had to take more than they planned
Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts
To hide what the cancer took from her
But she just wants to feel like a woman again
She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"
He took her in his arms and said "That's what my love is for"

When you’re weak, I’ll be strong
When you let go, I’ll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death,
Like you can’t take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.

And when this road gets too long
I'll be the rock you lean on
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I’m gonna love you through it.
I’m gonna love you through it.

Love this quote!

This goes out to all of you who have reached out to me during my cancer experience!

I love you....thanks for loving me!

October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month


 Well.....this month, I have been given lots of support in many ways.  One of the most recent and truly humbling ones was when one of the 5th grade students, Kayley, and her Mom (a former coworker) got in touch with me to let me know that Kayley's softball team was going to play in a Breast Cancer Awareness Fundraiser Softball Tournament in my honor.....and raise money for the cause in my honor! 

Kayley's Mom emailed me and said that the Coach wanted me to know that he'd like for me to join them in the dugout during the tournament, but the tournament was two hours away on a day that Charles had to work....so, knowing I couldn't handle that trip on my own....I asked if maybe I could talk to the girls before their trip to Spartanburg. 

So, Kayley's Mom and the Coach made arrangements and I went to talk with them at her house this past week.  I was totally blown away by the kindness shown to me and by the fact that they had put my name on the back of their Team shirt!  WOW! 



I talked to the girls for a while and several of the parents watched Macy and Molly for me during my talk.  The girls asked some great questions and the parents stood behind them, very supportive.  The Coach couldn't have been warmer to me...and they revealed how much they had raised ..... all combined, with the Coach sponsoring a whole additional team for that weekend, they raised over $400 for the cause of Breast Cancer!  I was thrilled to have this experience and hope that by the time these girls are young women, they will not need to worry about finding a cure for cancer.



Can you see my name on the back of Coach's shirt?
That's sweet Kayley to his left.



This group of parents and players along with their Coach will never know how much they touched my life. 

I am so thankful for this chance to meet such wonderful people.

Mrs. Dixon's Class

A colleague of mine, April Dixon gave me the opportunity last week to come and talk with her 1st grade students about cancer. 

April is a wonderful teacher who is loving and it trickles down to her students.  Her Mom just recently finished treatments for breast cancer and so she invited me to come and talk to her students to help them understand a bit and help them not be scared when they see a person who is bald or has other health issues.

I enjoyed talking to them so much.  Their questions were so great....like "how'd you get cancer?" and "did you scream when you found out?"  After talking for a bit, I sat on the carpet in the middle of them and took my hat off and invited them to rub my head if they wanted.  At that point, a precious little one had scooted over to my side and had her hand on my knee.  There's a special little man in that class who had already gone through cancer treatments at such young age.  He is a sweetie and his eyes just dance with youth and joy.



These students hug me every time they can...and I love it.  I think it is wonderful that April is teaching her students compassion in addition to reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic. 

Radiation Appointment #1

Hi all,

Last week, I went for my "Set Up" appointment for radiation.  Basically, you get 'marked' so that they can prepare for your radiation treatments.  The marks are semi-permanent and you're told not to scrub that area or use soap there.  So, I have 3 blue "plus sign" shaped marks to help them align the machines.  They have you lay on a board that sends you through a CT Scan machine.  Your feet are bound with a giant rubber band, and your hands are raised above your head.  The scan doesn't take too long. 

This Thursday, I'll go for the "Simulation" appointment and then finally begin radiation on Monday, October 17.  I'll go for 33 times (Monday - Friday) which I think will take me to the beginning of December. 

I'm excited to finally get to meet one of my new-found friends who is having her radiation treatments at the 3:30 time slot each day....my time slot is 3:00...so I'm looking forward to finally getting to hug her! 

Soon, I hope to meet another of my new-found friends during one of her upcoming chemo treatments. 

Lots of wonderful people have come into my life as a result of my cancer experience.  Looking forward to meeting these two special ladies soooooon.

:) Happy Tuesday, everybody!

PS --- Don't forget to do your mammogram....and your BSE (breast self exam) regularly!

Radiation Oncology Consultation

I met with Dr. Neglia today for the first time.  I liked his demeanor and I learned a lot.  I'm so glad to finally get the show on the road.

What the appointment was like:

• Lots of paperwork before my visit
• Nurse takes vitals
• Nurse shows a 10 minute video - very helpful, thorough - about the main topics related to radiation
• Doctor examines you
• Doctor discusses your history and your upcoming treatment
• Questions answered
• Nurse reviews paperwork/information with you
• Prescription given for gel to help with skin irritation

What I learned:

• I'll have 33 radiation treatments
• The first 27 will treat the whole breast (right side)
• The last 6 will be to the lumpectomy cavity only
• Without radiation, 40-50% of patients would have a recurrence within 15 years.....with it, the chance is  brought down to 8%....I'm not sure if I worded that right....but I like the big drop from 40 down to 8
• The main side effects that are possible are fatigue and skin irritation
• Each treatment will last about 10 minutes
• Every Monday, I'll have a check up visit with Dr. Neglia for him to monitor my reactions
• Every Thursday, I'll have blood drawn to track my levels....of what, I'm not totally clear
• I won't be able to see or feel the radiation beams
• The beams are incredibly precise....I was amazed by the way the video described this precision
• Semi-permanent marks will be placed in the area that I need to be careful not to scrub off
• Next Tuesday,  I'll have my "simulation" appointment where they will measure and mark the area...and do a localized CAT scan to check their precision
• If I understand it correctly, I'll start radiation next Wednesday

On a side note, I happened to catch a story on the news tonight about cancer fighting foods!  I liked all of them...yay!  They were:

• Walnuts
• Avocados
• Black Raspberries
• Raspberries
• Some type of orange juice from a fruit like mango, or something....I missed it

I hope you're having a great day!

Please, please do your montly breast exams...and schedule your mammograms as regularly as recommended!  I promise you, if you're ever in my shoes, the words "early detection" will mean so very much to you!

How It's Going

I just finished my second full week back at school.  Last week, I was absolutely exhausted by the time Friday rolled around.  This week, I'm feeling a good bit stronger. 

My students are handling my bald head very well...I take my hat off while I'm in my classroom lots.  Several have asked to rub my head....one asked if she could "pet" my head the other day.  :)

My hair is steadily growing.  To the outsider, it just looks like I'm bald with a little peach fuzz....but to me, I can really tell the difference between how I looked at the end of my treatments.  It is funny, and I laugh inwardly at myself, when I realize I'm staring at myself in the rear view mirror.  I'm fascinated by my own head!  My "fuzz" is getting thicker and longer....and darker.  The kids at school say that the top looks blonde and the sides/back look brown.  Uh oh!  We'll see!

There's a sweet, sweet teacher at school, April Dixon, who has shown support for me and my journey since the day before my first treatment.  Last school year, she had her students come down to make a special presentation to me on the day before chemo #1.  This year, she has taught her students about me and my situation and those students have shown me so much love!  I get hugs from them left and right - literally!  I love it.  Love it!  So, the other day, when a little girl came up to me in Food Lion and hugged me while I was in the checkout line, and then ran back to her mom and said, "That's the lady who has cancer." ...I instantly thought of April, what she's taught her students and April's sweet Mom who is also a survivor....thank you ladies!! 

This Tuesday afternoon, I'm going to meet with the Radiation Oncologist for the first of two preliminary appointments before my actual radiation treatments start.  Once they start, I'll go every day (Monday - Friday) for approximately 6 weeks. 

Once I have that appointment, I'll post some details.  I'm eager to get the ball rolling. 

I hope you're having a good week, too. 

My First Days Back at Work

Thursday, September 8, was my first day back at my teaching position.  I teach 5th grade Language Arts and Social Studies. 

I can't think of anything about that day that could have gone better.  I was able to get there early enough not to be stressed....my students greeted me sweetly....one sweet girl brought me two pink roses!  Another brought me a handmade card.  Teacher friends came down to my room to welcome me back....one even had prepared me a ziplock bag of chocolate and a note of encouragement to get me through the day!  So many kind words were said...and like another friend of mine predicted, it was like putting back on a glove.  The fit felt good, comfortable and I was glad to be there.

As comfortable as I am with my bald head, I have thought long and hard about how to handle it when I returned to school.  So, my plan was to wear hats because I can easily take them off and put them back on...as compared to wearing a wig.  But, I wanted to prepare my students for the eventuality that they'd see me at some point bald...due to hot flashes, etc. 

Before we could get to that conversation, though, one of my students asked me if she could talk to me in the hallway.  She said, "I'm not trying to be rude.  But what happened to your hair?"  :)  I smiled and told her that I'd be talking with them about that in just a little while, but basically, I took some strong medicine this summer that cause it to stop growing. 

When we were able to get to that conversation, I tried to remember that they probably didn't need or want to hear tons of details....so, the main points I made were to say that yes, I had cancer....the doctors removed it all....I took chemotherapy medicine this summer.....and was finished with that.  Then I explained about why your hair falls out....and that I was totally ok with how my head looks, but that I'm excited that my hair is already growing back in....I told them that in a few minutes, I'd show them what I looked like without my hat, and that it was ok if they thought it looked ugly, or wierd, or just had no opinion at all.  I told them that I was sure their parents had taught them to be kind, but, just in case, I hoped I could help them learn that seeing someone who looked different was alright.  But, by that point in the conversation, I felt like we had reached this crescendo point and when I took my hat off it was going to be too dramatic....so, I told them that when I took it off....just to ease the worry of how they'd individually respond, that I wanted them to just clap...that would keep their hands busy and level the field of reactions.  :)  Plus, hey, that's kind of fun for me.  So, they handled the big reveal just fine.  I told them that some of my friends had asked to rub my head and that they could if they wanted to....and a few did.  :)

I was amazed that when I got home, I still had energy left!  We even took a walk after supper, which was great...by the end of the walk, though, I was literally dragging!  My legs felt like lead.

The next day was great, too...and it was Friday!  For the first time, though, I heard someone make fun of my bald head.  It was one of the younger students at our school who was playing on the playground after school.  I was working at my desk and she could see me through the window.  She ran back and forth talking about "the bald lady" and brought others to see me.  I must admit, it was a bit of a small sting.  But just a small one...and a reminder that it is important to help children understand.....lots of things.   That is one of the reasons that I like teaching....to try to shape young minds....and a big reason I wanted to have children of my own.  My friend, Tajia, who is so very supportive, said the other day that she thought I was doing a service to the school by walking around bald....(which I'm only doing in my little room and neighboring rooms).  But, I do hope that I help to make the next person feel comfortable walking around comfortable in their 'skin'. 

I Have Come So Far

It was March 18, 2011 when I found out that my tumor was malignant. 

Sometime in April 2011, I walked past some bald women in SCOA (SC Oncology Associates) and could hardly look at them and hoped they couldn't see how uncomfortable they made me.  That was out of fear that I was going to look like them.  I knew I was about to join them and I wasn't ready.

During the first phase of my journey, I remember wondering:  Why do people keep looking at me like they feel SO sorry for me?  As if I'm going to die in the next few days?  Why is my beloved OBGyn so upset after reading my pathology report?  Is it THAT bad?  What am I not aware of that she is?  I remember sitting and listening to the first surgeon we spoke to on Day 2 who said, "I recommend a mastectomy everyday of the week and twice on Sunday." and keeping a brave, straight face because I had prepared myself to hear the word mastectomy.  I remember feeling like I was watching this unfold from up above instead of actually being in the moment.  I remember people saying, 'You're going to beat this!' and 'You're a fighter!'  There were so many things that I heard and saw that my mind and body hadn't "caught up" with, so to speak.  I remember walking into stores/businesses and thinking, 'Don't you know I am walking around with cancer in my body???'

Now, I get it more.  Then, I think I was in denial and stunned and trying to process and trying to teach school and take care of my girls and having two surgeries and trying to be strong and wanting to do whatever it took to push forward and make it through.

This past Monday - a week after my final chemo treatment, Charles, Macy, Molly and I were eating lunch with some dear friends at a deli in downtown Columbia.  I had woken up that morning and could tell I was going to feel better that day.  A lady with a sparkly, bedazzled hat came up to where I was sitting in the restaurant and said, "I just had to come talk to you.  I told my friends, 'Look, there's someone like me!"  She asked me if I got my treatments at SCOA and where I was in the process...who my oncologist was, etc.  I liked how she said, 'There's someone like me.'....because I've felt that feeling before, too.   NOW, when I see other ladies who look like they may be in treatment, I don't feel fear...I feel comraderie.  A few minutes after she left, she came back in the restaurant beaming, and handed me a pillow she'd made to share with other patients.  It was adorable.  Thank you, Miriam!

It is a Sisterhood that I am in!  I like it.  But I want us all to be alright.  Each and every one of us.

Yesterday, September 6, 2011, I walked into SCOA to get some paperwork from one of my (now) friends that works there.  I be-bopped in, bald/peach fuzzy, pushing my girls in the double stroller, and gave Norma a big hug which she always returns generously.  We stood there talking and since it was closing time, most of the employees were on their way out the door from time to time.  I couldn't believe how many of them recognized me and the girls and stopped to speak.  It was like I was part of this family.  And I absolutely loved it and appreciated it.  What wonderful people. 

On my way out the door, a lady was sitting on the bench waiting for her ride.  She was about 20 years older than me and bald, too.  I looked at her with a big smile and said, with a knowing look that I've shared with several women, "I like your hair!"  She smiled back and said, "I like yours, too!"  We laughed. 

I took the girls to the car, changed their diapers, felt the cooler weather, and couldn't believe I could actually say that I was feeling good - physically.  But also, I felt like I had just left a reunion where my spirits were lifted.

And, guess what!  YOU have come so far, too!  So many of you have been on this journey with me, in many different and wonderful ways.  From scheduling your mammogram to bringing me food to sending encouraging cards to watching my girls so Charles and I could go on a date to listening to the 'side effect of the day' and rubbing my bald head!  Thank you for being here with me!

Hold on to your seats, because next, we'll be walking towards the light...of radiation.  :)

Tomorrow's a Big Day

Tomorrow, I will be going back to teaching.  It will be a week and a half since my final chemo treatment and I am glad to say that I am feeling a good bit better and feel like my 'normal' is returning slowly.  Glad to feel that!!  Today, I'll go up and just say hello to the students so that they know who will be waiting for them in the classroom tomorrow morning...and then I'll meet with my awesome substitute to learn what all she's done so that I can pick up where she will be leaving off. 

Even though I'd give anything to be able to stay home with my girls, that is just not possible.  So, it is a good thing that I do love teaching and I am looking forward to getting back in the saddle.  I work with some truly wonderful people and it will be good for me to be back in a structured, busy environment since my mind has too much going on thinking about things that I'd like to take a break from. 

Next Tuesday, I have an appointment with Dr. Butler and we will discuss when my radiation will begin and I suppose I'll have an appointment to meet with the radiation oncologist....which will then lead to another preliminary appointment and then finally, I'll be able to get the radiation show on the road.  Dr. Butler said I'll probably do 6 weeks of radiation...which is every day after school.  THEN, I can say that I'm done...so to speak. 

I'm so thankful to have had this summer and a little bit of extra time with my girls.  Last night, we spent some quality time in our little hallway, laughing HARD.  They love to be chased and then give in and come running, falling into you.

Today is my Dad's birthday!  We're going to surprise him with some sweet treats at his job site before heading up to the school. 

Here's a fun, happy, nothing to do with cancer, video of my girls in the grocery store cart yesterday.  It kind of seems, though, that the extreme joy this brings me should heal anything yucky in my body.

Oh, here's another funny thing about yesterday!  (Yesterday was a great day for many reasons, including the beginning of feeling better.)  When I stopped to get some deli turkey yesterday, the lady working at the counter said, "So where are you in your treatment?"  When somebody says something like that, you know they've had a personal experience with cancer.  So, I asked her and she said that her Mom had gone through chemotherapy two times.  We talked for a bit about side effects and hair loss.  At the end of the conversation, she said, "At least you have the b_lls to go out and about bald."  I smiled really big and thought WHAT A COMPLIMENT....not worded the way I would've said it, but I liked it!

This Song Says So Much

I love when this song, below, ("Blessings" by Laura Story) comes on the radio....it is truly beautiful to me.  It makes me think of all the good that has come from my cancer diagnosis:  a closer bond with Charles, a deeper appreciation for everday life, the wave of support and love from dear friends, connections with some wonderful people I would have not met otherwise, and much more....

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Here's a link to hear it:  http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

I wonder...

I wonder lots of things, like:

• How my chemo neighbor, Caressa (sp?) is doing with her first treatment.....I wish you the very best with the least side effects you can have.  I wish we could've talked more....but I know you will do great! 
• If there's anything I could do for my new blog friend, Kerri.  I think about you lots even though we've never met.
• Why are my emotions so crazy/all over the place this go 'round?  And when will they land?
• When, oh when, will I get some energy back?  Ooooo, I can't wait! 
• What impact will I (and my appearance) have on my students?  I'm returning to work this coming Thursday and I'm looking forward to it.

And I wonder if you've scheduled your mammogram and done your self exam?    It is the beginning of the month and that's a great time to monitor what your 'normal' feels like.

Memory Lane

This is where Dusty and Ann and the other dedicated, talented nurses
do so much of their work....returning voicemails, calling in prescriptions,
charting, and calling patients back, calling them, "Honey, sweetie, and
making them feel good and taken care of!"

This wooden cross was hand crafted by Big Daddy Lane,
the late husband of Mrs. Linda Lane and my dear friend,
Amy's beloved Daddy.  Mrs. Lane mailed it to me
after learning about my diagnosis.  I have it with me almost
always.  Today it found the perfect place on
Jakki's quilt beside an amazing verse.

My caregiver. 

You would think that HE is the serious one in our relationship.
To the contrary, he is the SILLY, FUN one!

He has taken great care of me, both emotionally and physically.
His Momma would be proud of him. 
I know his family in the upstate is proud of
what a great husband and daddy he has become!

Tracy stopped by after learning some WONDERFUL news
from her surgeon (also my surgeon).  How great to
have the company of a dear friend on a special day!



Ronnie.
I love you!
Thank you for being such a good friend!



My Dad took this picture of me and my oncology nurses!
Dusty is on the left.......Ann is on the right.
They have taken the BEST CARE of me - HANDS DOWN. 
I can't express how much I adore these ladies!
Thank you for the professionalism and the humor and the expertise!

Three of my SCOA angels!
Ann, Norma, Dusty
You three ladies bring humanity to what you do......
you show each person you care for individual attention
that takes extra effort on your part, but makes a world of
difference to each one of us.
I love y'all!



Daddy went by and picked up the girls from home where they were with
Mrs. Vance.  She had them dressed and hair-do'd....and I'm so glad
Daddy was able to help get them to the Bell Ringing Time.



An artsy moment with Grandaddy and Molly

Ringing the Bell is the way that you commemorate your last chemotherapy treatment!
I was thrilled to have some family there with me to make the moment even more special.



So many more people have been behind the scenes...this collage is just quickly put together
with the pictures I had from my treatments at SCOA.

As Elmer Fudd says, "That's all folks!"



The Eve of my Last Treatment

My mind is just a goin' goin' goin'. 

I've heard that when you finish your chemo, it can feel like you're walking off a cliff.  I can imagine that to be true.

Tomorrow's my last treatment, so right now, I'm feeling really excited that the end of chemo is near.  I look forward to thanking my care team tomorrow for a job super-well done.  My Dad is going to come to meet Charles and I at the end of the treatment.  I look forward to ringing that bell!

I did read a few websites today that leave me with mixed emotions.  This one, http://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/719468 , is one of the more encouraging ones because even though it says Triple Negative Breast Cancer is more aggressive and brings a less positive prognosis....the odds basically are 77% that I won't have an early recurrence, which is now my biggest fear in life.   I will never forget reading that survival time for a person with TNBC after an early recurrence is an average of 9 - 17 months.  I couldn't see straight for a few minutes after that.  That helped to ensure that there will never be a day that I won't think about the chance of recurrence.

Another thing I looked up this morning was to find out if my suspicions were right that I don't qualify to take what some people call "the cancer pill" like many people do for 5 years after their chemo treatment.   It is called Tamoxifen....and since it involves hormone inhibitors, and my cancer is not hormone fed, I will not get that extra protection against recurrence.  (Another added security/treatment that some receive is herceptin...but again, Triple Negative cancer doesn't respond to this therapy.)

So, once my radiation treatments are over, it will be up to me to do the only two things there are to do to increase my chances against recurrence.....exercise and eating healthy.  I'm saying this "publicly" so that I can feel more accountable.  Changing long time habits and creating new ones is not as easy as writing about it!  :)

I desperately want to be here as long as possible with Macy and Molly and Charles and my friends and family. 

On this eve of my final treatment, I'm also feeling very lucky.  I truly mean that.  So many cancer patients endure so much more than just 6 chemo treatments and radiation.  I truly respect the incredibly difficult journey that some have to endure.  

Thank you to each of you who read my blog.  There's no way to measure what your support means to me.  I couldn't be a lucky duck without you.

A Funny First

I was waiting at a drive thru window yesterday, bald and with no hat as I go most places, and had bent over to get my wallet, and heard the lady say, "How are you doing today, sir?"  I thought it was directed to a customer inside at the counter. 


When I looked up, I realized, it was to ME! 



That is a first! 



Made me really think about what the back of my head looks like. 


I mean, is this (below) really all that confusing?

I didn't THINK so!

Doctor's Appointment

I had my 'in between treatments' appointment today. 

Dr. Butler said my bloodwork looked 'great' meaning my white blood cell counts were good. 

I asked him a handful of questions:

• Side effects of runny nose and hot flashes.....He said the runny nose would just have to work itself out....and he gave me a prescription for helping with the hot flashes.  I was happy to have the prescription until the pharmacist told me that a side effect of the medicine is that it increases your appetite.  :(  Ugh.  I don't need that!
• When will radiation begin?   About a month after my last treatment.....and the computer will generate the number of times I will go....he said five or six weeks...and that I could go after school.
• How long do you think I had the cancer/tumor before I found it?   He said probably five years.  Mercy...isn't that crazy to think about?
• How often will I be screened for recurrence?  He said three month intervals....I think they increase the intervals over time.

My last chemo treatment is this coming Monday!  I'll get to "ring the bell" ... I'm looking forward to that! 

Out and About

Not many people say anything to me about my baldness when I'm out and about.  And only a very few folks have even let it show that they notice my big ol' white, bald head. 

Today, I was grocery shopping and because the only way I know to grocery shop economically is to buy for a two week period at a time, the cart was pretty full.  I let the lady behind me in line go in front of me with her single item....and she was so thankful.  She commented on how much food I was buying, and I laughed and said, "I don't get out much."  She must have thought I meant because of cancer and so she asked me how was everything going and how was I feeling.  I smiled and said, "Oh, it is because I have twin one year olds that I don't get to the grocery store often."  She was very kind and said she wished me the best.  It felt really good and I could see the sincerity in her eyes.

Then, in the parking lot as I was putting the groceries into my car, I heard, "So, how long since you were diagnosed?"  (Before I ever saw a person.)  I looked up and smiled to answer a lady with short hair and a big smile....who I later noticed was wearing a sleeve to help with her lymphadema.  She was a super nice lady and shared with me that she was a survivor of 4 years and was doing great. 

I'm writing this post to say that if you see someone out and about walking around like baldy baldersox here, they may really like it if you acknowledged what they're going through.  So many people have said to me that they really don't know WHAT to say....so, as I was thinking back on the day, I thought I'd share about these two ladies.  I was glad that both of them decided to speak to me. 

Have a great day!

Local Hero & Heroic Family

One of my friends from school has been through over three years of chemo with her sweet son.  She has been faithful during my treatments checking on me, bringing us treats and just listening to my concerns.   She and her family have endured an unbelievable amount of trying times as they helped their youngest member of the family through his fight with luekemia. 

His humble Momma has shared some of what it was like to go through such a difficult time.  She shares it matter of factly and I have been amazed as I learn more about what it was like for her family during that time. 

My little hero went through much more than I will and he is doing FANTASTIC.  I love his hugs.  Before my surgery for my port placement, he brought his port to school to show me.  It was so cool that I was learning from him....and it really did help me understand what it was that the doctors and nurses were going to be using for my chemo.
Here are some pictures from our recent visit...these guys are great for many reasons, but for Macy and Molly especially.  See, they have energy that I just don't have.  They're FUN, and it was great to see them playing together!

Chemo #5

We're down to ONE MORE TREATMENT!  Wooooo hoooo!  I can't believe it!    Here are some highlights from #5. 

So far, the side effects have not been as difficult as some rounds.....lots and lots of hot flashes ... my taste buds don't work.... grumpy (poor Charles) and t-i-r-e-d.....but the joint pain that usually bothers me after the shot hasn't really reared its head....and I'm so glad!

Charles was my escort to Chemo #4. 
He worked on the laptop a lot that day.
I was really glad he was there.

I invited my team to come see what chemo was all about....but, due to
surgery and travel, we couldn't all get together.  Thank you, Julie and Cynthia
for coming to eat lunch with me!  We missed you, Jakki and Andrea.

Jakki, your quilt, and our coworkers' words have
been with me each time.  This is my view
during treatment.  I love seeing my
friends' words.

Hangin' out and gabbin'

Genetic Test Results

Negative!

I do not have the BRAC1 or BRAC2 gene mutation which is great news for me and for my relatives. 

I'll have a follow up appointment sometime soon, and will post what I learn then.

Thanks for checking in!

:)

4th Chemo Treatment

I was very fortunate for my 4th treatment to have TWO chauffers!  My friend, Julie, offered to take me and Tajia joined us right around lunch time.  Tajia drove me home. 

It was great to have these ladies' conversation and company and smiles.  Thank you both for taking care of me!

Julie and Tajia making fun conversation.



Baldy Baldersox with two supportive friends.



The biggest comb-over job, ever.
Tajia, thanks for sharing your hair!

Healthy Eating - Healthy Lifestyle - So Important

I'm reading about ways to reduce my risk of recurrence.  The answer is to eat healthy and exercise. 

American Institute for Cancer Research - Compilation of Expert's Recommendations:

http://aicr.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=research_science_expert_report

1. Be as lean as possible without becoming underweight.
2. Be physically active for at least 30 minutes every day.
3. Avoid sugary drinks. Limit consumption of energy-dense foods.
4. Eat more of a variety of vegetables, fruits, whole grains and legumes such as beans.
5. Limit consumption of red meats (such as beef, pork and lamb) and avoid processed meats.
6. If consumed at all, limit alcoholic drinks to 2 for men and 1 for women a day.
7. Limit consumption of salty foods and foods processed with salt (sodium).
8. Don't use supplements to protect against cancer.
9. * It is best for mothers to breastfeed exclusively for up to 6 months and then add other liquids and foods.
10. * After treatment, cancer survivors should follow the recommendations for cancer prevention.

*Special Population Recommendations

Little bit of Everything

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while, so this one will be a mixture of all kinds of topics. 

Just fyi, my "A" key is sticking and so, I predict lots of missing "A"s.... :(

GENETIC COUNSELING
I met with the Genetics Counselor, Dr. Brooks, on Tuesday.  It was fascinating and she is fantastic.  I'll find out my results in about 2 weeks from Tuesday.   The 3 possibilities are:  Positive - meaning I have the BRAC 1 OR BRAC 2 gene mutation and therefore am at approximately 50-60% chance of having ovarian cancer and a very high risk of more breast cancer....mastectomy and ovary removal.    Negative - the opposite, but the downside is it leaves me wondering what caused my cancer and waiting to see if it strikes again.  And, drumroll please, there's a 3rd possibility that is called VUS "Variance of Unknown Significance" which means that there's something different about my genes but they cannot (yet) determine if it is a good thing or a bad thing.  Hmmmmm....I will be very frustrated if I get the VUS result!  But it kinda sounds like something that would happen to me and my indicisive self.

BALDY BALDY BALDY
A week or two ago, Charles and I went out to eat with dear friends and I struggled on the way there to decide whether I could go in the restaurant bald.  You see, I am very, very tired of wearing hats and my wig because of the heat and the constant hot flashes I have.  So, that night, on the way to meet at the restaurant, I literally to a hat on, took it off, put it back on, took it back off, trying to arrive at the place where I was able to decide not to wear anything on my head.  With Charles' support and encouragement, I walked in there bald, and my friends were totally fine with it....very sweet and kind.

The next day, I went to Wal-Mart and Kroger bald.  These experiences took all my might, but I am very glad I did it.  Most places, now, I go bald, and I'm surprised that very few people seem to even show that they notice.  I know they do, but it isn't obvious.  AND it would be just fine with me if people asked about my baldness....really.   I am hoping that one of the residual effects is that I can help pave the way for other ladies to feel comfortable - especially in the dog days of summer and in the land of heat flashes - going out bald in public.   There are ladies who paved the way for me....like Pam Britton, one of my breast cancer mentors, who has the cutest little pixie face (lucky for her) and ladies that I was almost afraid to look at when I first started going to the oncology center....as time went on, I started thinking and wondering if I could do that....and now, thanks to my friends and family not running in the other direction, I have come a long way.

I have some good memories to treasure of things people have said and them asking to rub my head.  :)  I would totally rather that than someone try to act as though they don't notice because, hello, I have a big ol' bald head.

FATIGUE
Mercy!  I am tired.  This go 'round has not let me get my energy back YET.  It probably has something to do with my taste buds affecting things, too.  I eat less when my taste buds are not working right...that lasted way too long this time....so, I look forward to more energy soon.  Aches have creeped their way in, which in my experience is odd for this time in the cycle.  I had a friend here to help and bring delicious supper last night.  She included requests for me in her blessing of the food and it was so nice to hear someone pray for me.  It reminded me that many of you are praying for me.  That is powerful, especially in the light of my new understandings about my type of cancer.   Later in the evening, she said that she had expected me not to have much energy, which called my attention to what I know all of us do, you just push on, doing what has to be done, even if you're dog tired.    That's something specific I'd love your prayers for....energy!  I can't wait to have it!

DADDY
Daddy continues to have a hard time seeing me bald.  I can imagine a bit of how he feels.  I think about if Macy or Molly had to tell me news about cancer, and then I watched them deal with the fun of chemotherapy, it would be indescribably hard, and I would want to go through it for them.   I know he feels that way, and I've had friends who have expressed that selfless thought, too.  I know there are many layers to what he must think and feel about this whole thing.

The other night when he stopped by with lots of vegetables and to visit, my knee jerk reaction was to go grab a hat...but instead, when he walked in the door,  I grabbed his hands and put them on my head and rubbed them all around my head.  I told him I wanted him to be okay with it and that I truly had come to terms with it.   After all, it is a temporary thing!  Hope I didn't traumatize him!  :)

YOU
Okey dokey, now, your reward for reading this blog entry is some FREE ADVICE!  Some is repeated from a while back.......

• Live in the moment today!  Enjoy what is right in front of you. 
• GET A MAMMOGRAM.  A friend of mine at lunch yesterday told me of her close friend whose breast cancer was found last year through a routine mammogram.  CAUGHT EARLY ENOUGH that she didn't need to go through chemotherapy (that was also due to other factors).
• If you have ovarian, breast cancer AND/OR prostate cancer in your family...especially if you have two different generations having any combination of those, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT with Dr. Karen Brooks at the USC Specialty Clinic - or your local brilliant genetic expert -  to have a conversation about your possible qualification for genetic testing. 
• When your annual enrollment period comes up at work, seriously consider adding a cancer policy.  Also, if you have the opportunity, like we do in Kershaw County School District, opt for a Flexible Spending Account which allows you to have pre-paid visa card with any amount you choose---I do my deductible amount----(taken from your pay divided by 24 times I believe).  I have been thrilled that I did that because I have a way to pay for the big chunks that help my family meet our deductible (which of course we do practically at 12:01 on the first day of the insurance period).  I can explain it more to you, but it has been a life saver, and I wish I had know about it earlier.  Thank you, Susan Elliott, for helping me with this!  YOU are  life saver!
• Do BREAST SELF EXAMS (BSE) every month to know what YOUR normal feels like....so that you will be aware if anything changes.
• Even 20 year olds get breast cancer.  Check into getting a mammogram.  Make it a habit to do BSEs.  
• The way to qualify to be a LUCKY DUCK is to be ON TOP OF YOUR HEALTH. 
• Sermon is now over.   Ha!

:) Have a great day.  Thanks for reading my blog :)

Learning about Triple Negative Breast Cancer

I am reading a little more about my type of breast cancer and realize that scientists really don't know much about this 'newly' discovered sub-type of breast cancer.  There are sub-types within the triple negative category, that were just recently discussed in a June 2011 journal article. 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/06/110627184000.htm

I am thanking the Lord that I found my cancer before it spread to the lymphnodes.  I just read a statistic that said less than 30% of triple negative breast cancer patients with metastatic cancer survive more than 5 years. 

Several people have asked me why the doctors are doing chemotherapy since they were able to get clear margins, which means they got the whole tumor.  My answer has been that they use it as 'insurance' to be doubly sure.....and I now know that there's no way to know if individual cancer cells have begun making their way into other areas of the body, so the goal of chemo is to kill those cells.

I'm beginning to learn that it is such a new area being explored in the cancer world and that funding for research is very important.  The Susan G. Komen Foundation has partnered with the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation to fund a think tank in hopes of coming up with therapies that are more effective against triple negative cancer.  That gives me some much needed encouragement.

As I read, I consistently see that triple negative cancer is more aggressive, harder to treat, and more likely to recur than most other types. 

You may be thinking - "stop reading".  But, here's the thing.  When I go to my appointments with the surgeon and with the oncologist, there is no education (except by the nurses who are wonderful).  There is hardly any conversation at all.  It is only because I am educating myself that I know what I know about triple negative breast cancer.  Don't get me wrong.  I think that my doctors are very, very skilled and up to date with research, which is the most important thing.  But, I feel I need to know what I'm up against.

As Charles and I were driving to Target tonight, I just kept looking back at the girls and thinking how terrible it would be if I didn't get to be with my girls for as long as I wish....it is a terrible thought that I can't entertain for very long.  But it makes me want to journal all the more for them my thoughts about all kinds of things...which I'll spare you all. 

I go for Chemo #4 tomorrow...and I hope to meet another amazing survivor like I did last time that gives me a new dose of big time hope. 

Thanks for reading my blog.  I hope today for you is a great day and that you can truly live in the moment.  I'm trying to do that more and more and it is fun and wonderful!